by Brian JM Joseph
I dedicate this article to my friend who had the courage to walk away from 12 years of marriage and domestic abuse, likewise all women who are facing verbal and physical abuse.
Domestic violence is any behaviour involving physical, psychological, emotional, sexual or verbal abuse. It is any form of aggression intended to hurt, damage, or kill an intimate person. “If we are to fight discrimination and injustice against women we must start from the home for if a woman cannot be safe in her own house, then she cannot be expected to feel safe anywhere.”
Most men have taken a trend lately abusing their spouses and girlfriends sometimes for no obvious reason at all. I would be frank and honest before any man that beats on a woman is a ‘coward,’ and to me, he is nothing more than a whimpering little boy throwing tantrums looking for attention. Real men don’t abuse and beat women; they love them. No woman should allow any man to abuse her in this kind of way, whether it be verbally or physically — those are unacceptable behaviours.
A woman could be a prostitute on the street, but as a woman ‘she deserves to be respected.’ It doesn’t give any man the right to abuse any woman as he so pleases. Violence is violence and can in no way be misconstrued as a discipline under any circumstance cultural or otherwise. Many Caribbean women have this foolish concept, and it is often repeated by young persons, and it is as follows: ‘if a man doesn’t beat me, he doesn’t love me.’ That’s one of the most ridiculous statements one can make. Women, please get this nonsense out of your head because it’s called ‘abuse’ not ‘love.’ There is nothing passionate about being verbally abused physically abused. I know there are many women out there suffering in silence. I’m urging all women who are being abused, not to do this to yourself. Please speak out and come forward. Let’s expose those beasts called boyfriends and husbands, who are hiding behind facades. Remember you are not a ‘piñata’ but rather a special and unique person who needs love and gives love.
Caribbean men, in general hands, are ‘very fast’ as we say in colloquial terms because they are always beating on women. Those low life men deserve to be jailed for degrading woman like this. My mother is a woman, sister, aunt and niece and what I would not like for anyone of them I wouldn’t wish it on any woman out there.
I don’t care who you are, or what walks of life you came from ‘hitting a woman is wrong’ when men do that it shows that they have very little regards for women. I don’t think they have respect for their mother’s or sisters who are women also. I’m urging all women who are being abused that if you are in a relationship and it’s not working out, get help. Don’t become a victim of verbal and physical abuse and don’t become a statistic. Please seek counselling. If that doesn’t work ‘walk away peacefully, that way everyone wins.’ As a man, I empathised with all women who have faced some form of abuse in their life from worthless men who are showing no regards, love and compassion towards them. It brings tears to my eyes knowing the statistics on domestic violence cases here in Grenada.
Women it makes no sense at all staying in abusive relationship. I empathise with you and I understand your plight. I know most women are scared of leaving these broken relationships because of death threats from men. I know it’s not easy getting out especially when children are involved, when a woman is unemployed, it makes matters worse and that’s why men use these tactics at their advantage to further abuse women. A woman has the option — she could just pack up and leave, but she does not visualise what’s beyond ahead, and, there is a fear of leaving. Most women always care about what others will say about them especially when it comes to speaking out and leaving an abusive relationship.
Most men want to live promiscuous lifestyles. The majority of men today believe women are property. I certainly don’t know where they’ve gotten that idea from. Because the only time people were referred to as property was during the period of the Arab and Transatlantic slave trades. Many men see women as objects and punching bags rather than as persons with emotions and feelings, hence the reason why they abused women.
I’m someone that doesn’t support any form of violence against women. A woman deserves to be respected to the highest level. A woman brings forth life; she is the custodian of our children and she is entrusted with that great responsibility for their upbringing.
For a man to look at a beautiful woman and beat upon her, his heart must be cruel and morbid. Whenever I see a woman I see my mother, grandmother, sister, aunt and nieces. There’s far greater awareness now, and the great thing is women know there’s help available. Despite a woman’s character she doesn’t deserve to be abused. Men please don’t do it because it’s wrong as a man; amend your ways, you can walk away gracefully instead of being an abuser. When men become abusers, what are they teaching their children or what examples are they setting? We need to be mindful and we must be aware of children who may be living in a domestically violent home, because it can have serious consequences on them.