by Mary K Rullow
Mommy always said there was something peculiar about me.
As early as I can remember, I knew this meant I was very different from my siblings and my peers. At first, I couldn’t put a finger on it, but deep down inside I was aware. As I grew older, I decided my peculiarity made me special. Then I decided to take it up a notch, my strangeness meant I was gifted. Subconsciously, I refused to feel like an outsider.
It wasn’t until I hit puberty that I started to notice what made me different from other girls my age, but I paid little attention to this since none of my friends at the time openly identified as queer.
In my late teens, my daydreams were consumed with my curiosity to explore my interest in the same sex. Yet, I held back. By the age of 21, I’d mentally accepted that I was bisexual. It never seemed unnatural to me. I was filled with love and wanted so desperately to connect with someone who could relate to my queer identity.
When you live in a society that scorns homosexuality it’s very hard to move from accepting one’s self to openly embracing a homosexual lifestyle. Matter of fact it’s frustrating and overwhelming stressful.
With love and support from my parents at age 25, I decided it was time I got outside of my head and actually start exploring my same sex attraction without fear. Today, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, I’m at peace mentally and I’m just glad I took a leap of faith when the odds seemed against me. The aloofness I’ve often experienced in past relationships has evaporated into thin air.
I’m more confident. I’m wake up every day delighted and looking forward to the day ahead. Before I was very depressed. Today, I pay homophobia no mind, because only I know where I’ve been and how long it took me to love without fear.
I’m always reminded of my parent’s undying love and affection for me, and I ask myself, who am I to try and fit in? The world will catch up; meanwhile, I love abundantly and fearlessly.
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