by Judy M McCutcheon MBA
A friend stopped by one evening and she was telling me that she’d had enough with friends that drain you and suck all your energy – you know the ones.
The ones that no matter how you try to guide them and show them that they are heading in the wrong direction when it comes to relationships, continue going along the same road and when they crash, come crying to you. And the thing is, they follow the same pattern over and over. This conversation had me thinking about the verses of 2 Corinthians 6: 14-18, which talks about Christians being unequally yoked with non-believers, but I think that this is applicable to every aspect of our lives. According to the dictionary, a yoke is a wooden frame by which two animals (such as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together. This tells me that in addition to the yoke keeping them together, the animals must be fit for the same purpose.
As I was reflecting on our conversation it brought to mind the sister of my very good friend. My friend’s sister is a veterinarian, who met and fell madly in love with this guy; there was one little issue – he was the driver of a garbage truck, he didn’t own the truck, he just drove it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what he did for a living, it’s an honest living, it’s just that the pairing was all wrong. One night they went to a function, and of course, it was all her peers and she was engaged in discussion with another male doctor, for what seems to her husband (yes, she married him, amidst loud protest from her family and friends) like an eternity. When they left the party, an argument ensued, he stopped the car, dragged her out and proceeded to beat her so badly, that he left her permanently blind in one eye. Our relationships are supposed to build us up, I believe that we are meant to grow together and lift each other up. Being differently aligned affects us emotionally as well as financially. On the other hand, being equally yoked does not guarantee success either, you’ve got to work at it.
Have you ever been in a relationship and it seems like since you started with the person, things have been going haywire in your life? That’s because the energies are not in sync, they are not only out of balance, they are mismatched. My friend told me that his daddy always told him to marry a woman who will advance with him in life, and this goes for women as well. During our journey through this life, we fall in and out of love several times, some good and some not so good but we keep going. At some point, we decide to settle with that one person whom we feel could be our life partner; but stuff happens and as the issues start to surface we brush them under the carpet because we think that our passion and commitment will overcome all obstacles. However, our passion and commitment are not enough to deal with the daily assaults that come with being in an unequal relationship.
We know pretty early in the relationship if it’s unequal because it starts at the dating stage. And if you are willing to accept unequal at that stage, then know that it’s going to carry over into the marriage. I remember my first marriage, all the signs were there but of course, I had this insane thought that love would conquer all, but it really doesn’t. I wanted better, I wanted to go to university, I wanted us to own our own home and to ensure that we could adequately fund our retirement and the life style we wanted. But he wanted different things, he was very contented with his lot and basically told me if I wanted more I would have to do it on my own, so I did. We were moving in two different directions.
Unequally yoked does not only apply to believers and non-believers in the Christian sense, it applies to being unequal in every facet. Unequal in education levels, unequal in motivation levels, unequal in achievement levels, unequal on the love and communication levels, unequal on a conscious and spiritual level. Men when you have gotten into a relationship with a material girl, whose only desire is to dip out of the coffers and is not willing to support you along the way to ensure that those coffers are continuously replenished, then you are unequally yoked. Ladies, when your man is quite happy to stay at home or ride around all day in your car without wanting to actively contribute to the well-being and development of the relationship, then you know you are unequally yoked. When you are in a relationship and you want more, you want to move on up, you want to achieve more, do more, become more than just mediocrity and your partner is quite willing and happy to stay with the status quo, then you know you are unequally yoked.
While there are ebbs and flows in relationships, you need to take the time and critically evaluate your relationship. Decide if your relationship is simply going through the highs and lows that each relationship goes through or if you are in an unequally yoked relationship. Think about what your relationship is nurturing within you, see if it’s bringing out the best or the worst in you and make a decision for your happiness.
Judy McCutcheon is a partner in the firm Go Blue Inc, a Human Development Company. www.goblueinc.net